…walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, Ephesians 4:1b-2 Truly grasping this may make it easier to bear with her and be more humbly compassionate toward her. If this is the case, you’re just as guilty of sin as she is, though in a different way. You should also bear in mind – another potential “ouch” here, sorry – that if you are, indeed, harboring judgment or disdain for this woman in your heart, or nursing a desire to gossip to the pastor about it (and I can’t say whether you are or not – that’s something you’ll have to get alone with the Lord and examine your own heart about), those are sins, too. I’m not very good at doing those things, but God is, and He helps me. Something I often pray is, “Lord, please help me see people the way You see them, think about people the way You think about them, and love them the way You love them.”. And if you find that difficult, ask God to help you love her and be kind to her, the same way Jesus loved and was kind to sinners. The way you should deal with this now that it’s already happened is to love her and be kind to her. Had she asked for your advice and wisdom while she was considering IVF, or even after attempts 1-6, it would have been fine for you to counsel her against it at that point, but at this point, she can’t go back in time and undo what she did, and it sounds like she’s not asking for your advice. There is no “process” for you to “handle” as a member of the congregation, and there is nothing you need to say to her about it after the fact, unless she personally comes to you and asks you for your input on what she did.

I as a part of the congregation I am not sure how to handle this process or speak to her about it after the fact…How should I deal with this now that it has already happened? And believe me, if he’s been there longer than a week or two, some talebearer in the church has already told him and he knows. You don’t need to be the one to inform him unless he asks you point blank, “How did this woman get pregnant?”. Because if your email comes across to me that way, imagine how anything you have to say about this situation is going to come across to this woman, her friends, your church, or your pastor. That’s why I think you should simply and politely decline the invitation to the shower and say no more. Even though I’m sure you didn’t mean it this way, your email comes across to me – a disinterested party to the situation, and someone who agrees with you – as dripping with judgment and potential gossip. Now all of that being said, and knowing that I’m on your side, I need to say something that might not be easy to hear. 1 What this lady did was to deliberately rebel against God’s design for the family, one of His two bedrock institutions (the other being the church). There’s a reason God set the family up the way He did – marriage first, then children, with a mother and a father in the home – because that is what is best for us and what brings Him the most glory. We don’t bear children to please ourselves, achieve a goal, or self-actualize, especially when we intentionally create a situation in which a child will not have a father.

Let me explain why.įirst, hear me when I say I completely agree with you that what this woman did was selfish and ungodly. When you’re invited, graciously say, “Thank you for the invitation, but I’m afraid I won’t be able to make it.”. Can you give me some ideas of what to say? How should I deal with this now that it has already happened? If they organize a baby shower – I will not attend but want to be Christianly about this. She has received so many words of encouragement and congratulations. She has posted her whole process of getting pregnant on Facebook, which I also don’t agree with. Some other ladies her own age are so excited for her and congratulating her etc. I as a part of the congregation I am not sure how to handle this process or speak to her about it after the fact. Our Pastor is new to our congregation and may not be aware of how this lady became pregnant. After 6 tries, she was successful and is now 7 months along and proud of her baby “bump”. She wanted desperately to have a baby and didn’t want to wait for the adoption process so got pregnant by IVF. In our church, there is a single Christian lady in her mid 30’s who has no man in her life, who got pregnant through IVF.

Pregnancy bible study for couples